Reassurance
by yowzahfiction
Summary: It's after Manhattan and the Doctor and River are trying to heal over the loss of the Ponds. It's a one-shot. Don't think it's that good but I still hope you enjoy it xx


The Doctor sighed as he pushed the TARDIS doors closed. He leant against them with his eyes shut tight. He had just said a final goodbye to Amelia. His sweet little Amelia. The girl who waited. She was still waiting in her garden when he got there and her face lit up when she saw him. He had fought back tears as he told her stories about the person she would grow up to be and the many things that she would do. He didn't want to say goodbye to her and he didn't want to be without the grown up Amy.

His hearts felt heavy as he massaged his forehead. He felt so old and alone. The TARDIS was silent and empty but he could still remember the days when he was not alone. Images of him standing around the console with his friends played in his mind. Why, why must they leave? First Rose and Mickey and Jack, then Martha, then Donna and Sarah Jane and now Amy and Rory. He couldn't bare it. He would give anything to make them all come back.

Suddenly, the sound of shuffling feet brought him out of his thoughts. He wasn't completely alone, at least he still had her. River stood at the top of the stairs, smiling at him. She had changed into something more comfortable whilst he was away. Her hair had been unpinned and now hung loosely around her face. She wore a tight long sleeved black top with a belt and jeans and fluffy purple slippers. How can she look so beautiful without even trying? She is perfect. He took a few deep breaths, trying to take in her beauty. Once she had reached the bottom step he practically sprinted to her and within a few seconds, they were in each other's arms.

'_River..._' He managed to whisper as he stroked the back of her curls and pulled her closer.

'I thought you left'

'No my love, I'm going to stay for as long as you need me'. The Doctor could feel hot tears running down his cheeks. He rested his face in the crook of her neck as she rubbed his back. He wanted to freeze this moment in time so they could be together, locked in this embrace forever. He never ever wanted to let go for fear that if he did for more than a second, he would lose her too.

He knew that she was putting on her brave face for him and hiding the damage as usual. Her heart was probably breaking but all she cared about was him. How? How could she possibly love someone like him? He definitely did not deserve her. All the times he had hurt her and yelled at her when he was frustrated or scared. In an aborted timeline he had spat at her and called her an embarrassment. He can still remember her face so clearly. Her completely broken face with tears running down her cheeks. He will remember that face for the rest of his life and he will always regret what said.

He has never once considered her feelings and he never acts like he cares. But he does care. He cares so much that it hurts.

'River listen.' He unwrapped his arms from around her waist and once he found her hands he held them tight to his chest. 'Please, I need to ask you something and you have to answer me truthfully'

'What is it sweetie?'

He paused and took a few deep breaths.

'You know I love you, don't you?' He could hear her make the faintest of gasps and her eyes had an unexpected gleam in them. Though after she quickly blinked a few times the gleam was gone. She smiled and nodded at him. 'Yes of course I do. Always. Why do ask?'

'Its just that...' He broke off. Gosh why was this so hard? He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to keep his voice level as he tried again.

'Its just that I never say it. I never ever tell you'

'You did once, you whispered it in my ear in Berlin'

'That doesn't count Riv. Rory used to tell Amy that he loved her everyday. Every single day without fail and I've only ever said it once when I'm supposed to be your husband'

'But it's fine. I know without you saying'

For a while neither of them said anything. The Doctor's eyes rimmed with tears as he searched hers for reassurance. He felt so ashamed with himself sometimes.

'I'm sorry'

'For what?'

'For today, when I...'

'Don't you dare!'

'No let me finish!' His grip tightened on her hands as he stroked the back of them with his thumb.

'I shouldn't of shouted at you. I should of helped you. I should of held you and told you that you were safe and I should of saved you from the angel myself but instead I let you get hurt and it's all my fault. I never meant for it to happen. I was just being an emotional idiot and was too worried about myself to think about any one else.

He paused to look her into her eyes. The gleam in her eyes was back and her lip was trembling ever so slightly.

He started to continue, his voice barely more than a whisper.

'When I saw you with that angel I was scared, so scared of what it might do to you and yet I just left you there to save yourself. I promised you and your parents that I would always protect you, and nothing bad will ever happen to you. What of sort person am I, I can't even keep that promise?'

'Doctor stop, none of that matters. You are the most wonderful man I've ever known -'

'It does matter how can you say that?! River I love you but you'd never think that from the way I treat you! I keep hurting you over and over again '

River pulled her hands away from him and shook her head. This was clearly something she didn't want to talk about. She kept her eyes fixed on him. Honestly, she looked a though she could slap him at any moment.

'And what about my wrist?'

He groaned and turned his back to her, keeping his head down.

'What about your wrist?' He snapped back at her, staring down at his shoes as though they were the most interesting thing in the world.

'Even though what you did was incredibly stupid and I will probably never forgive you for it, you still saved me and you stopped the pain. You used a colossal amount of energy and now next time you regenerate it will probably go wrong; well that's if you even regenerate at all. You knew all along didn't you? and yet you fixed my wrist anyway.'

He took a moment to consider this before slowly turning to face her again.

'How could I not? I'm the one who made you break your wrist in the first place!'

'Thats not the point Doctor. The point is you did it. It was both the stupidest and sweetest thing you've ever done. A true act of love' she smiled at him. He could tell she was doing everything she could to try and make him feel better. She truly was the most amazing creature he'd ever met.

'Nah. A true act of love is waiting outside a box for two thousand years' he gave a nervous laugh as a single tear rolled down his cheek. God why did he always have to be so emotional?

'Shhhhhhh. Hey. It's okay' she placed a hand on his cheek and whipped away the tear with her thumb. He placed a warm hand over hers. It seemed that every emotion he had felt today was coming up. The anger and the pain as he lost his best friends and and the pain of fighting with his wife. He wished Amy and Rory were there. He missed them more than words could say. His breath caught as more tears fell. River whipped them all away almost as soon as they appeared.

'I miss them'

'I know. So do I'

'But they're happy? They have each other, just like I have you'

'Yes' a single tear ran down River's face but it was so quick he nearly missed it.

'You'll always have me'

'Just promise me one thing?' He took a step closer to her. 'Promise me you'll never hide from me again. I want to be there to comfort you and to help you but I can't do that if you shut your feelings away. I want to share everything you think and feel. You're always so strong for me but I never take care of you.'

He was pretty sure she stopped breathing. For the first time ever, he could see everything. The pain of losing her parents, the pain of acting like everything was okay so she didn't reveal any spoilers, and the pain of putting on a brave face so she could comfort her husband. All her emotions now seemed to be bubbling up to the surface. River said nothing but wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a closer embrace. Once again his fingers tangled into her hair and the other hand stroked the small of her back. This hug was longer than the last one. The Doctor drew back slightly to press kisses to her temple before pulling her closer.

When the finally separated the Doctor kept his hands resting gently on her waist as he smiled, looking into her eyes.

'Come on husband. I think it's best if we both get some sleep'

He nodded in reply and followed her silently to their room.

River fell asleep almost instantly but the Doctor stayed well awake for hours. He lay next to her, watching her sleeping soundly as he stroked her hair. He knew everything was okay between them but he still wanted to make it up to her. Tomorrow he planned on taking her somewhere amazing. He desperately wanted to show he just how much she meant to him. And maybe soon, with each other's help, they can move on from what happened in Manhattan. Now that Amy and Rory were gone, River was all he had. He had to make the most of this before Dariullium.

Dariullium would be the place that would completely shatter what is left of his hearts forever - but he couldn't think about that now. All he could think about was how lucky he was to have River in his life. He leant over a kissed her forehead, causing her to smile in her sleep before he settled back down and closed his eyes.


End file.
